Go, Girl

Screen Shot 2016-05-09 at 11.26.26 AMI was standing in line at the movies. It was a particularly long line, so I was happy just to settle into people-watching until the woman in back of me answered her cell phone.

By Mary Lou Sanelli

“Stop calling me. I’m taking a day off,” she said, and after a pause, “no, not from work, from us.”

Like that, my usual way of tuning out cell-phone chatter was no longer possible.

Yes, I eavesdrop. No, I don’t always use what I hear in my writing. But there was something about this conversation that was so obviously why I’ve been given two ears and one laptop.

“Stop!” she yelled. From the look on her face, whoever was on the other end was saying something she didn’t find true. “You’re doing it again,” she looked exasperated. “You don’t listen.”

Was she talking to the man in her life? Her mother? A friend?

“No, you don’t! You go into sports mode. Defense, defense, defense. All you want to do is win.”

Ah, so the man, obviously. This analogy might not apply to your husband, but in my circles, we joke about it all the time. My friend Stephanie says good kissing is one thing, but if her date asks a question and then listens with curiosity to her reply, now THAT she finds sexy.

How I would have loved to turn around and mouth, “Go, girl,” but there are times when you know it’s inappropriate to offer advice or even encouragement. This felt like one of them. I can’t say why, exactly, other than I was afraid she’d start to whisper.

But everyone needs an older shoulder to cry on. When I have a really rotten day, there is no better friend in the world for me than Nancy. She’s been there. She knows.

I even thought of something wise to say like, “Marriage may not be what you expected, honey, but give him time, they tend to mellow with age.”

I held my tongue.

Because I knew what I was really doing. My mind was already rearranging the words, evading the distractions around me, writing the story because I have to. This is what it’s like. We can’t turn it off even if we want to.

And why, when people ask me where my ideas come from, I say that I love the serendipity of being lucky enough to be standing in the right place at the right time.

Listening (nosiness, whatever) can lead me right into the strongest feelings of empathy, or disgust, even rage, but it guides me into the heart of what others are struggling with, and I’m gladly led along. Then I try not to question where I’m led to because whatever unfolds is always a good lesson.

And this remains one of the most perfect eavesdropping sessions of my life.

Mary Lou Sanelli is an author whose latest book is A Woman Writing. When not working as a literary speaker on the Mainland, she lives in Honolulu. For more of her work, visit marylousanelli.com.

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