Insect Wreck

If my life was a book, then the year I was a technical recruiter for software engineers would be filed under a chapter called, “My Life in Hell.” I also was going through a terribly long, drawn-out breakup, and I had to be at work every morning at 5. Since all of our startup clients and prospects were in San Francisco, we needed to start our Honolulu day extra early to make those calls.

The only other people in our building that crazy were the hedge funders down the hall.

I felt sorry for all of us.

I had no life.

Since our downtown office didn’t have parking, I had to move somewhere close so I could walk to work. Walking to a job I didn’t particularly enjoy in the dark while going through heartbreak proved to be a bit trying on my overall well-being. I would make it a point to walk to Starbucks each morning to get a pineapple bran muffin and hot coffee as a consolation prize. The caffeine and sugar were a feeble attempt to stimulate my brain enough to get through those early mornings.

One morning, I was standing in the line — it was long, as usual — zoning out, as usual, hating my life, as usual, when I felt a little prick on my ankle. Those damn burr weeds outside of my apartment always had a habit of jumping onto my socks and pant legs. I reached down to pick it off and found half of a thick centipede protruding out of my pant leg, with the other half still up my pants.

My heart stopped as I screamed and kicked as loud and hard as I could, sending it flailing through Starbucks toward the front of the line.

“Be careful, that thing just bit me!” I told the older gentleman who just ordered, causing him to start high-stepping and the lady next to him to scream.

It was way too early for this.

The barista came around with a broom, but instead of killing it, he accidentally projected it back down the long line of groggy customers.

I couldn’t watch as he chased it down and used the seemingly insubstantial little broom bristles as tiny impalers on the thing until it was dead. Instead, I ran to the office with no muffin or coffee, looking for ice to put on my ankle.

The world’s life forms come in countless numbers. No one person could possibly understand or recognize every form of plant or insect — and that’s where the eLifeFormsW app comes in. It provides a rundown of various flora and fauna. It definitely could come in handy to know what’s pricking you.

It has a vast catalog, with more than 500 life forms, including insects, mammals, amphibians, crustaceans, reptilians and much more.

To this day, thinking about that moment in Starbucks makes me shiver uncontrollably. I truly believe centipedes are demons in insect form.

But I’m glad to know I made it through my encounter — and that year. It’s only made me stronger.

@SUPERCW

Christa Wittmier is “SUPERCW” on all social media. Find her on Snapchat, Soundcloud, Twitter, Vine and Instagram. By night, she is known as DJ SuperCW. By day, she is known as senior marketing director for Young’s Market Company of Hawaii. Her nightlife blog SuperCity runs every Wednesday on HonoluluPulse.com.