Penn Tries To Pull A Neeson

In The Gunman, Sean Penn plays former military contractor Jim Terrier, whose life is threatened when the agency he used to work for wants to erase its shady past. What is an aging action hero to do, other than go on a Liam Neeson-esque international crusade to save the day/kill everyone? Having recorded all of the nefarious activities, Terrier seeks to expose the truth, take down his former partner (Javier Bardem) and reunite with an old love (Jasmine Trinca). To us, this looks like a re-hash of about a hundred other action movies, and we don’t really care if he succeeds in his mission or not. The Gunman opens in wide release March 20. >>

‘THE GUNMAN’ TRAILER REVIEW BY METRO CREW

JAMES: Looks about as interesting as the title sounds. The Gunman.

NICOLE: For a movie called The Gunman, there were an awful lot of explosions. It should have been called The Gun-, Grenadeand Combat-man.

JAIMIE: Ugh, I’m not even remotely interested in this movie.

CHRISTINA: The first time I tried to watch the trailer, I couldn’t even get through the whole thing. It looks like it’s supposed to be super intense, but I just felt really bored. Although, Javier Bardem has, as always, succeeded in being absolutely terrifying.

NICOLE: I really liked the part where Bardem is in the really fancy apartment and he screams, “Let the real fun begin,” with a gun in his hand.

JAIMIE: Why is Javier Bardem stooping to this level?

JAMES: As far as villainy goes, Javier Bardem was ominous and sinister as Chigurh in No Country For Old Men. Then he went all loopy and campy with Sky-fall. Casting him here is like casting Sean Penn in a political assassination thriller… Oh, wait. Was he in this?… He was.

PAIGE: I am unclear as to why Sean Penn is the star of this movie. This must’ve been a script intended for Liam Neeson, and I’ll bet Penn stole it out of his mailbox.

NICOLE: It’s from the same director as Taken, which is why this film looks so familiar to me. Kudos to both Sean Penn and Liam Neeson for being in great shape at their respective ages.

JAIMIE: Sean Penn did not age well.

PAIGE: It is impossible to root for Sean Penn in anything, ever. He just looks too sleazy. I’m hoping the twist is that Idris Elba will just kill everyone and walk away without a single speck of dust on his suit.

NICOLE: Idris Elba says in the trailer, “Ever have one of those days where everything is going wrong and everybody wants to kill you for something?” All I could think of was: No. No, I don’t ever have days like that.

JAMES: The thing with the hero loathing himself in a mirror is getting old. Penn is staring so hard, the mirror itself is starting to sweat.

CHRISTINA: Why does Hollywood insist on pairing leading men with women half their age? I just read a summary of the plot — and the first part of the movie apparently takes place in 2006, when Penn’s onscreen girlfriend is a surgeon. This actress was, like, 22 years old in 2006. This isn’t Doogie Howser.

PAIGE: I guess when you’re like, 60 years old and you can still kill men with your bare hands, the ladies are all over you. You have virility that a regular 30-year-old guy just does not.

JAMES: What do you guys think Penn is shooting at with that sniper rifle? I’m thinking it’s Ray Winstone’s sandwich. A really nice meatball Parm. Perfectly spiced. Just delicious. Penn just shoots it right out of his hands. Blam!

PAIGE: I’ve managed, within the space of about two minutes, to more or less forget the entire trailer. It was surprisingly generic.